Thursday, September 11, 2014

Standing up for one another when it counts

With not even two weeks of preschool behind us, I have heard about a classmate, O, three times. The comments about this little boy are never positive. O hit me with a block. O grabbed the trucks away from me. And today, O pushed me into the slide in the backyard. All of these comments came from Teagan.

Each time she told me about O, I asked her about how she handled it. After one altercation, she told me that she "just walked away". During another, she told him, "I don't like that." She never seemed bothered or upset by it.

While eating lunch today, Teagan told me that O pushed her repeatedly into the slide while they were playing in the yard. The rest of the story is what warmed my heart….

Seeing that her sister was being pushed around, Quinn rushed over, grabbed Teagan's hand and immediately said to O, "that's my sister!" Their friend, X, who has said that Teagan is his best friend, also rushed over and told O, "we don't push." Hand in hand, my girls then "just walked away." And then it was done. The girls then launched into a story about a book that they read in school.

There were a few things that I loved about this…

1. The obvious. Despite all of the fighting they do at home, my girls will stand up for each other when it counts.

2. They handled the situation perfectly, in my opinion. I've tried to teach them to stand up for themselves and say what they want/don't want and to walk away if they feel that they need space.

3. They handled it perfectly without any adult involvement. 4 3-year olds! It was a great reminder to give them a little bit more credit at times.

How have you taught your kids to handle conflict?

Update (September 12th):

When I picked the girls up today, I had to read and sign my first ever incident report. O bit Quinn quite badly on her thigh. After speaking with one of their teachers, it turns out that O speaks very little english. The language barrier is playing a part in his behaviour.


  1. Well played T and Q! Clearly, conflict resolution is not a problem -- great job mommies!

  2. There is nothing quite like the love between sisters. This warms my heart. Well, except the part about Q getting bitten. That made me a bit furious. How did you handle that situation, if you don’t' mind me asking?

    1. The whole thing has actually gotten worse. I filed a formal complaint today. He bit Q again. He then grabbed T's face so hard that it left a bruise. After speaking with their teachers and the head of the school, they've decided to bring in a substitute ECE who speaks arabic. The boy doesn't speak any english so they're hoping that the ECE can help his transition. They've had many more issues with this kid since school began. Anyways, they're hoping that it can be resolved, but if it can't, they will ask him to leave the school. The girls have actually reached a point where they're scared to go to school because of this boy. The school has dealt with it very well, so I'm hoping the end is in sight!

  3. As already mentioned, I am so happy to see the girls working through their own conflicts and in a healthy manner. But, yes, this situation sounds as if it has the potential to escalate quickly and for the worse. As a former preschool teacher, I can verify that bullying starts amazingly young. It appears that this boy has narrowed in on T and that his behavior is going to continue as long as an intervention does not take place. On the other side, as a parent to a former biter (short lived thank god), I will admit that those interventions are not always easy. Wishing you, and T and Q, good luck for a quick resolution!