Monday, March 3, 2014

My Job

Your life is rrrrrreally going to change! Like many moms-to-be, this was said to me many times in the months leading up to Teagan and Quinn's arrival. Of course my life was going to change. Could I understand the gravity of it? No. Not a chance. No one can understand how much a newborn (or two+) is going to change your life until it happens.

The newborn stage was tough because I was learning how to be a mother. Learning how to breastfeed. Learning how to burp, change and soothe not one, but two babies. Learning how to live on little sleep. With the basics under my belt, now I'm learning and sometimes struggling with caring for two toddlers. I'm learning how to handle tantrums and fights. I'm learning how to negotiate with irrational toddlers and figure out how to creatively get them to wear clothes and not PJs to school or drink out of the blue cup because the orange one is in the dishwasher. I'm learning how to handle the toughest job that I've ever had. A job that never ends, not for a second. A job that can be so mentally and emotionally exhausting that it can cause me to break down in tears. A job that has also brought me more love, joy and laughs than I ever thought possible. A job that I wouldn't trade for anything, even on the toughest of days.

If you're living the above right now, you've likely seen this blog entry that went viral a few days ago.

Somebody always needs a snack, a band-aid, a different sock, ice cubes in their water, a NEW Paw Patrol, a stream of snot wiped, a hug, a story, a kiss.  Some days never seem to end, and the monotony of being “needed” can really take its toll. 
- your best nest

I read this blogger's post last night and like so many other young moms, I needed it.

In the last four days, I've been needed a lot. I've been needed all day AND all night. The girls haven't slept in four nights. Last night I was needed four times before 1am, ended up with a child in my bed for 6 hours and was needed another two times between 4-5am. I barely slept. I NEED sleep. I'm a diva that way. But not really. My body and brain start shutting down when I get less than 8 hours of sleep.

I started this blog post over an hour ago. After getting two overtired toddlers fed, bathed and into bed, I started cleaning up, only to hear crying coming from upstairs three separate times. I was feeling done. Physically and mentally exhausted. Each time Quinn let out a cry tonight, I went in and firmly said that it was time to sleep, gave her a kiss and quickly rushed out. I reminded them of the "special surprise" that they'll get tomorrow if they sleep through the night. I'm that desperate. By the fourth cry in 20 minutes, I was feeling angry and frustrated. I wanted to clean up and sit down.

The sooner I can accept that being Mommy means that I never go off the clock, the sooner I can find peace in this crazy stage of life. 
- your best nest

Instead of showing Quinn my frustration, I went into their room a fourth time and lay on her bed. I wrapped my arms around her tiny 26-pound body. She reached for my finger and held it tight, just like she used to do as a newborn. She let out a sigh and her body relaxed in my arms. Mommy loves you, I whispered. Her little head nodded. It's ok. You can close your eyes, I told her. Her breathing slowed and deepened. Within minutes, she was fast asleep. That was all she needed. I don't regret it. I'll never regret giving my babies an extra hug or cuddle, especially when they really need it. Little do I know that those are the times when I need it too.

Then, it all started to hit me, they need ME.  Not anybody else.  Not a single other person in the whole world.  They need their Mommy.
- your best nest

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